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Banish the Jester of Doubt

April 5, 2016

I’m not sure when the phrase, ‘Do what you love and the money will follow’ became part of my vocabulary and belief system, but it feels like I have always known it to be true.  What I love is to watch the inspired growth of people I care about.  And what I also love is the beauty of food.  In 2014, I was following a yet to be determined path from stay-at-home mom to personal trainer.  After that certification and immediate disappointment with the lack of nutrition education (Abs are made in the kitchen!), a mentor of mine recommended more education and focus on the nutrition side of the house in the form of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition.

As I began the course work, that phrase continued to repeat in my head.  I shared it with others, I taught it to my children as if it were an academic subject, and I believed it with all my heart.  I reinforced it with movies like The Secret and books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.  I followed spiritual teachers that taught me how to release limiting beliefs, and allow my plans for the future to grow bigger and brighter.   I hired a life coach who showed me how to experience my own inspired growth.  

And yet, I was still not seeing the results in my bank account.  The voice of the Jester of Doubt in my brain who loves to whisper words of failure and the need to get a real job became very, very loud.  That jester happens to rule the Land of Insecurity in my head so he tends to get a bit domineering when external appearances provide an opportunity to practice faith when the proof is yet to be seen.  And boy oh by did he whisper.  In fact, he spent years shouting that I needed to grow up, be realistic and stop dreaming.  Fortunately, he did not win.  At least not for more than a few days at a time and in the end, I banished him and can now speak in a confident voice about my Real Job as an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach.  It took practice to ignore him, to assure him that everything was fine, that things would improve as they always do.  He is banished but I know that he has the ability to return if I am not diligent.

Keeping focus and having faith in yourself and your path is a practice.

It isn’t always an easy practice and often I feel that I am telling myself of some truth for the thousandth time like a toddler, but it’s always worth the effort.  It’s an act of self love to refuse to accept the words of that sneaky Jester.  It’s a genuine and loyal commitment to dream and then to become that dream. 

And when you wake up on day and realize that your faith and never ending watch have paid off and you are that thing, or even a small part of that thing that you saw in the distance, you realize that you were in fact always that thing.  Haven’t I always coached?  Haven’t I always loved food?  When I truly look at my life, I can recognize that helping people change their relationship with food is not new for me.  Supporting people who I care about to accomplish their goals is just who I am, and the training and experience brought it out into the beautiful sunlight to be shared and nurtured.

So who have you always been?  Does your vision, your dream match who you are?  Can you see that future you inside yourself at this moment? 

Heavy food to digest, I know.  But deeply nourishing and life-giving as well so give it a try, please.  See where it lands for you.  It might be frightening to admit that you always wanted to be a farmer.  Or maybe a teacher.  I know all too well that the words of the Jester can sneak in to throw you from your path, but just this once ignore him.  Take this opportunity to spend five minutes seeing that life that you dare not dream.  Bring it out into the light for just a moment.  Be audacious enough to consider it.  To see yourself in it.  To be Your Dream.  

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