Do you ever get angry? I mean really, angry? Embarrassingly angry?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been complimented on my patience. I’ve worked with kids of all ages, hard to handle dogs, and challenging clients. I was rarely rattled, and can only remember being truly angry once or twice.
On June 16, 2016, I was in a car accident. While most of my injuries have healed, I continue to deal with short term memory issues, lack of balance, speech issues, attention and processing difficulties, a lack of smell and taste, fatigue and anger. I have a lot of good days. Most mornings, I feel pretty amazing. I truly have no reason to complain. I genuinely feel that I live an incredible life.
I’ve hit the Life Lottery in so many ways and I know it.
I share my life with the most incredible man, my kids are healthy, happy and crazy smart, my mom is happily retired in Florida, I have a dream job and steadily growing business, I have friends that I feel deeply connected and devoted to, I have zany pets that make me smile, and I have a CrossFit tribe that motivates me daily.
I have no reason to get angry. Especially not really, really, embarrassingly angry.
But I do.
Since my brain injury, I experience hurt and frustration in a very different way. It’s almost as if I go from calm to Tasmanian devil instantly. One minute, I’m happy-go-lucky Jen, humming along, working on a project, and the next second—and I do mean second—I am so angry that I actually feel like I want to break things.
It’s scary. It’s not who I am. It always makes me cry and feel defeated.
I know the science of my injury but that doesn't change how it feels in the middle of it.
In those moments, when I feel more hulk than human, the part of me who dislikes the feeling has been able to take over and command one action: Start tapping now.
I’ve used Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping) for everything from insomnia and bad dreams to sugar cravings and belly aches. I’ve used it to uncover old beliefs and release them, and to adopt new, powerful beliefs. I’ve used it with my kids, taught it in many of my classes and used it with clients. I find it to be very, very effective whether you believe in it or understand it or not.
Today, when I couldn’t solve a computer issue, I lost it. I wanted to destroy the computer, the wifi router, the phone I was talking on, and I was mad because the dog had the nerve to bark. Outside. Like she always does.
The real me, the one who knows that I am not this wave of emotion commanded me to tap. An argument ensued but my inner angry toddler lost and I found this reliable video. Within seconds I was sighing (which is a signal that the energy and emotion is shifting) and by the middle of the video, I was daydreaming while I tapped, thinking about the sunflowers I was going to grow this year.
It’s hard to believe. It’s even harder to convince you because words don’t teach. Only experiencing it yourself will convince you.
If it can work on my inner, angry toddler, it might just bring you down a level or two. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?
I often use the early morning to organize my thoughts into paragraphs. And sometimes into recipes.